My Mother is Challenging

My Mother is Challenging

I tell my daughter that my mother is challenging.

She said that’s being nice.

My mother has hate where her heart used to be.

It is not something I want to talk about-

But this I know:

She does not have long in this world and

She will go down screaming in rage.

In the quiet moments

when she isn’t casually tossing insults disguised as love

She has a look of jealous hatred in her eyes.

It scares me to think what she would be capable of

 if she wasn’t wheelchair bound.

She stopped drinking in March and everyone tells her how amazing that is.

After over 35 years of being an alcoholic I would agree

Except I know her secret.

She gave up one vice for an even deadlier one.

Hydrocodone

Fentanyl & Morphine

I am proud (and sad) that the word fentanyl is so foreign to me

 that I had to look up how to spell it. 

Crystal Meth

Alcohol

Fentanyl, Morphine 

These are words I associate with my mother.

Rage,

Anger

Jealousy and violence,

These are also words that I associate with my mother.

Sometimes I think it brings her pleasure to unleash her rage on others.

She will gently call you darling and honey

And two seconds later

She will call you a bitch.

She will also call you a motherfucking asshole

(ask the pharmacist).

Sometimes I watch her

She sits and stares at nothing

But her eyes burn with anger.

Is she plotting how to hurt others as bad as she hurts?

Her actions say yes. 

She calls me a bitch as I gently kiss her forehead.

I wish my mother peace.

I hope she will find peace in the next life.

In this life all she knows is rage.

I tell my husband

When my mother dies and she goes to heaven

Jesus will welcome her with open arms.

I see her walking up to Jesus with a smile.

I wonder if Jesus knows what I know...

She is gonna punch Jesus in the throat.

My Mother is challenging.

-JFWoodward, 2025